Last Saturday my husband went up north snowmobiling so I decided to spend the day by myself rather than calling a friend. I love to have “me” days when I am completely alone and can do whatever I please without worrying if it pleases my company. So I decided to go to the movies and (a) watch Extraordinary Measures as well as Legion and (b) try movie theatre popcorn for the first time since my surgery 8 weeks ago.
I am able to eat popcorn at home but have been nervous about trying it at the movies since they use a different kind of butter. I have read that some folks are able to tolerate it and some are not so I did not want the first time to be while I was with someone else and have them watch me spend the afternoon in the can.
The end result was okay I guess. It tasted as good as I remembered it but I think I ate a bit too much of it. I did get small but ate it all. I felt find at first but then toward the middle of the 2nd movie I started to get pretty uncomfortable gas pains. I never ended up spending any time in the can and did not get stinky farts but did get some rumbling in the jungle but nothing I couldn’t handle. End result? I’d eat it again ….. this time with a friend in tow.
The reason for my post today though was something I saw while at the movies. I sat in the 2nd row up (I like to be able to put my feet on the railings) and the row below me is the bottom row; the main isle where you don’t have to climb stairs. I was sitting there waiting for the movie to start and in walks this heavy set man. I would guess him to weight in the 400’s at least. He was waddling from side to side and breathing heavy (this is a small theatre). In his hands he held an extra large popcorn bucket (which he refilled 2x in the course of the movie) and a 44 oz drink. I instantly passed judgment and then shamed myself for doing so. I found myself thinking things like “why would you eat that much popcorn if you’re that overweight?” and “why wouldn’t you think about WLS when you’re clearly that uncomfortable?” I was passing judgment on someone based on what I saw and felt terrible for it. I felt like such a hypocrite!
He had a hard time getting into the chair and lowered himself very, very slowly almost like he wasn’t sure if he’d fit and didn’t want to break it or get stuck. The chair did scream in protest as I heard the joints creaking and buckling under the pressure but he did get in. When he was seated I saw him looking around out of the corner of his eye trying to see who saw him ease into his chair and he also began tugging at the front of his shirt in an attempt to keep it from sticking to his every curve. I recognize this behavior because I WAS this person once upon a time. I find myself noticing and feeling sorry for overweight folks because in my mind I am saying “there’s help out there” and “you do not have to live like this” but then I realize I am being arrogant. How do I know he isn’t already checking into weight loss surgery? How do I know he hasn’t tried and been denied insurance coverage and is locked into a battle with them? Plus, how can I pass judgment on how much popcorn he’s eating or soda he is drinking when I have been there and I know the more you eat the more you CAN eat and that whole cycle? I felt so crappy by my presumptions I almost walked up to the man and hugged him!
My point of this is to say that I hate the way society (myself included) presumes to know what goes on in the mind of an overweight person and how they live their lives. People assume that it’s easy to order a small popcorn rather than a large knowing it’s the best choice when in reality if you’ve never been there, you really don’t understand how hard that is. It got me wondering if I would have viewed him differently if he were thin eating all that popcorn and the answer is probably so. I am thankful though that I’m aware of my tendency to do this and actively work to correct my thinking. I was this way even when I was at my heaviest so it’s not a “because your thinner” mentality. I used to think it about my own mother as a child. I remember being in the 5th grade being embarrassed when she’d have to come to the school for something. That shame and guilt has haunted me to this day and probably always will. She’s never known (or let on anyway) and I’d never tell her!
I too challenge you to change your thinking and how you perceive others who are not like yourself. I will actively work to avoid prejudgments and assumptions as I hope others will do when viewing me.
Much love,
Mandy
Peeps, Peep This! 